Victor Garber is one of my favorite actors working. I’ve been following him for years, but (slow on the uptake, true to form) it was only last week when I noticed that he has a comedy ear. Now that I’ve noticed it, I can’t stop noticing it. Several years ago I was stung on the ear by a yellowjacket while mowing the lawn. For days afterward one of my ears was preposterously swollen, but it still registered only an embarassingly distant second to Mssr. Garber’s natural asymmetry. I’m not kidding, I’ve even picked up on the fact that DPs give it special consideration when lighting scenes.

Dude, ear.

I spend a fair bit of time commuting (these days ~ 500 miles a week). During intervals of reflection, I sometimes think about what I will say to the fellow in uniform who will, eventually, pull me over.

Peace Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Oh good! You must have found my television.

(With thanks to the chaps of Top Gear)

Gendarme: Do you know how fast you were going?

Me: I open the bidding at 73!

If you deliver either of these lines with a big, friendly smile on your face, you might even avoid getting sodomized repeatedly with a plunger handle.

The parking lot of the company I work for. Seeing this is a daily source of amusement.

Source: Something of That Ilk

Previously.

Spotted on a co-worker’s desk.

If you, gentle reader, regard this image and say, “So? It’s a pen held upright by a magnetic base,” then, with my apologies, this post is not for you.

Disclaimer: Not my idea, not my cat.

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While the following error (read: hilarious fuckup) could have just as easily happened on printed ballots, given my antipathy for electronic voting machines, I am all too happy to take yet another, albeit gratuitous, swipe at them.
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Rich Whitney, the Illinois Green party gubernatorial candidate, was dismayed to learn that his name was misspelled as “Rich Whitey” on electronic ballots in 23 of Chicago’s 50 wards. Half of the machines with the misspelling are in predominately black wards and there is not time to correct the error before election day.

Though polling indicates that Whitney would garner a mere two percent of the votes, he is (somewhat) understandably unhappy about the misspelling. If it were me, I would be trying like hell to incorporate this as a campaign feature. I would post flyers all over the affected wards with slogans like “A rich whitey is moving into the Governor’s mansion anyway. Vote Rich Whitey!”, or “Vote Whitey! He’s Green!”

Never undervalue how grateful people are to laugh.

I’m getting her one for Christmas.

Q: What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?

A: She screamed her hands off.