This was waiting for me when I got to the salt mines this morning:

I hate being predictable…

Okay, so this is my new favorite thing.

I give you: The Instant Rimshot

I can think of so many inappropriate uses for this little gem. For damn sure, I’ll be taking my laptop to more meetings.

I decided to try out Yaakov’s sweet Perl hack on printers that use the HP Printer Job Language (HPPJL), in honor of April Fool’s Day.

The script connects via TCP to the printer’s (standard) port 9100 and changes the LCD “Ready” message to one of your choosing (with space limitations). Below are a few of the messages that our area’s network printer displayed today.

They ranged from the controversial:

To the confusing, but plausible:

To the bizarre:

To the confessional:

I’ve had the honor of serving as best man three times, and I’ve started my toast the same way each time:

The problem with being the best man is that you never get to prove it.

That’s the problem with showing restraint as well. You seldom get credit because no one knows you’ve done it. It’s worse than thinking of the perfect line three minutes after its intended recipient has left. The line is right there, but you choose not to use it.

I was at a friend’s desk this afternoon when a woman we work with stopped by. This woman is intelligent, savvy and widely acknowledged throughout the office as quite a dish. The conversation turned to where should she take her team for a holiday lunch. My pal recommended a particular restaurant because the waitresses are always gorgeous, before conceding that this might not, in fact, be an important feature for her. She said, “Yeah, not my cup of tea.”

Even though I died a little inside, I refrained from saying “Damn it!” then handing my buddy five bucks.

And this is yet one more reason why I think it’s just completely unfair that HR has me on speed dial.