amorize, v. [am·or·ize]

To pay down love gradually in a series of installments applied to interest and principal.

I recently came across “amorize” while doing quality assurance on a collection of definitions. It was just too good not to put here. By the by, the sound clip is from Steve Martin’s The Man with Two Brains. If you haven’t seen it, your life is not yet complete.

5/17/2009: Updated to add

So that’s where they’re all hanging out…

Coming soon! “Rattlesnake and Hepatitis Nail Salon”, or, possibly, “Rattlesnake and Hantavirus Petting Zoo”.

Bonus Joke: Two snakes are sunning themselves on a rock when one turns to the other and asks, “I forget, are we poisonous?” The second snake replies, “Out of curiosity, why do you ask?” The first snake answers, “Because I just bit my tongue.”

Previously.

An Irishman is sitting in a pub when three Englishmen decide to goad him into a fight. The first approaches the Irishman and says, “Did you know that Saint Patrick was a poof?” The Irishman replies, “No, sir, I did not. Thank you for that piece of information,” then returns his attention to his pint. The second Englishman walks over and tries next, saying, “Did you know that Saint Patrick was a transvestite?” Again the Irishman replies that he was not aware of that, then thanks the Englishman for educating him. The third Englishmen decides to remove all doubt by saying, “Did you know that Saint Patrick was English?” The Irishman replies, “No, but I think that’s what your friends were trying to tell me.”

A loyal member of my legion readership steered me towards this amusing bit of satire from the Huffington Post about Americans’ knowledge of geography:

Poll: 37% of Americans Unable to Locate America on Map of America

For those interested in recent, actual findings on the subject, the 2006 National Geographic-Roper Survey of Geographic Literacy is worthwhile reading.

For those decidedly uninterested in recent, actual findings on the subject, please enjoy the 2007 Miss Teen USA South Carolina YouTube clip for the hundredth time.

This and many other fine t-shirts are available from T-Shirt Hell.

Don’t get it? Fuck you.

I find this simply hilarious, and it took me back to the Lazlo Letters. Eschewing more traditional forms of payment, Mr. Thorne instead offered to settle a $233.95 utility bill with a drawing of a spider:

Special thanks to Jane for playing it straight.

Okay, so this is my new favorite thing.

I give you: The Instant Rimshot

I can think of so many inappropriate uses for this little gem. For damn sure, I’ll be taking my laptop to more meetings.