I’m a sucker for idioms, colloquialisms, turns of phrase, the whole megillah. I use them in daily speech, because the good ones are colorful and richly descriptive. Coming across a new one is like receiving a little present.
A relatively recent subgenre of this little pasttime of mine is collecting that rare and beautiful gem, the mixed metaphor. Most of the ones I’ve collected are from work, which is not surprising, considering the sheer volume of metaphors that spew from any gathering of corporate types. Here are a few of my favorites:
Wanda Worker, faced with a looming deadline, confided that she was “behind the gun.” I can think of worse alternatives.
In a project kickoff meeting, Gil Golfshirt expressed the desire to “get the ball off on the right foot.” Wow. I…wow.
Perhaps Gil was trying to avoid the fate of his co-worker Steve Stockoptions who was recently “thrown to the lambs.” It was the cuddliest massacre ever.
According to Connie Cubedweller, obvious to all, “The writing is on the table.” And the food is on the wall.
Leaving no turn unstoned, Tom Toomuchcraponhisbelt encouraged others to “rattle the bushes” for solutions. Beating the cages would disturb their occupants, who are trying to work.
Last, my current personal favorite:
Polly Professional, responding to a little reflective listening on my part, shared, “MrPikes, your head is totally in my shoes.” I apologized.
I heard each one of these. A colleague of mine, who shares in my amusement, claims to have heard someone refer to “low-flying fruit,” but I wasn’t there. A good thing, I guess. Taking a guava to the head is not my idea of a good time.
What about these two?
* You should really take that project on, it’s right up your ballpark.
* You know what they say, when it snows, it blizzards.
One of my other favorite confused metaphors comes from the Beastie Boys, many years back. (I think it was on License to Ill)
“Droppin’ science like Galileo dropped the orange”
MrPikes reply on October 10th, 2005 11:46 am:
Very nice. Thank you.
I’m joining the game late, but the mixed metaphors you all have shared thus far are timeless, and laugh out loud hilarious. These ones come from my work in the mental health field, working with clients and service professionals.
During a school meeting to discuss how to help a student improve his behavior in the classroom, the principal confronted the student with his no-nonsense, ‘reality therapy’ approach, stating to the student, “You know me well enough to know that I’m always up front with you. I’m not puttin’ on no ‘facana.’
I surmised he was combining the words ‘facade’ and ‘persona.’ But I didn’t realize that among the many powers vested in a private school principal, was the authority to invent words, particularly those that no one understands. Even more impressive was the double negative, which I think serves as the cherry on top. Forget kids finding Kuwait on the globe, let’s try to find the English language among the educators.
The second one was from a parent who was angry that I could not provide transportation for her son to attend an out of town meeting, stating adamantly that I was putting her in a “Catch 28” situation. I suppose to qualify as a mixed metaphor, “28” would need to refer to something, but for the life of me, I don’t know what it’d be, perhaps 28 bottles of beer on the wall.
Maybe “Catch 28” is just a super-duper version of “Catch 22,” like jumbo family-sized “Catch 22.” Better than being caught on the wrong side of a “Catch 38 Magnum.”
A graduate student was explaining to me her development of skills in tracking legislation, and also the professional relationships she has made in the process.
She assured me that these experts had vowed to “…keep [her] in the loophole.”
Kind of a victim stance don’t you think?
MrPikes reply on January 30th, 2008 7:47 am:
Nice. A few weeks ago a guy I work with was leaving the office at around 4pm. I overheard a colleague say to him, “I see you’re working baker’s hours.”