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Archive for May, 2008


Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

So I just got a cat and, in preparation for her arrival, I went a little nuts on toys at the pet store. Assorted busy balls, fishing pole with feathered doodad, radio-controlled mouse, thing-on-a-spring and, of course, a laser pointer.

Good packaging catches your eye, draws you in, then instills in you the feeling that your entire life has been a mere prelude to this moment. YOU MUST HAVE THIS CONSUMER ITEM.

The laser pointer’s packaging wasn’t like that, but I found it very amusing all the same:

Miraclebeam Laser Pointer

How do you tell if a reptile is intrigued? Does it stroke its chin, musing? Does it produce a pipe, drawing on it in deep reflection? The answer is, “You just know.” Below is a comparison of a lizard prior to the introduction of a laser pointer, and after:

Intrigued Lizard

You just know.

Chess Champion Gary Kasparov Attacked by Flying Penis

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008

There is officially no point in making shit up anymore.

I once wrote about Crossing Over, i.e., actions on the Internet having an effect on the physical plane. This is a little different. On December 20th, 2006, a CNET interview with Anshe Chung conducted in a Second Life venue was completely derailed by an assault of flying penises. It was very funny at the time, yes, because of all the flying dicks, but also because it pointed out the perils of counting on a virtual press interview to behave like the real thing. In other words, it was funny because it could only happen on the Internet.

That is until yesterday, when a real world meeting of Kremlin opposition activists led by Gary Kasparov was disrupted by an enormous radio-controlled flying cock. It was knocked out of the air quickly by a straight-faced security guard, who now has a unique item for his résumé. Kasparov, quick on his feet, restored order gracefully, remarking that the prank was “below the belt” and stating, “I think we have to be thankful for the opposition’s demonstration of the level of discourse we need to anticipate.”

Flying Penis Attacks Gary Kasparov

I am reminded of the (alleged) Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times.” So much classier than, “May you be attacked by a giant flying wang.”

Movie Sequels In Which We’d Love to See Harrison Ford

Monday, May 19th, 2008

In the spirit of McSweeney’s Lists, MrPikes proudly presents:

Movie Sequels In Which We’d Love to See Harrison Ford

  • Indiana Jones and the Last Will and Testament
  • Indiana Jones and the Endorsement of Affordable Term Life Insurance With No Medical Exam
  • Indiana Jones and the Quest for Cialis
  • The Old Indiana Jones Chronicles
  • The Lumbar Strikes Back
  • Blade Walker

See, it’s funny, ’cause he’s old…

Same Shit, Different Blog

Sunday, May 18th, 2008

I decided three years ago that I needed a blog. Prior to this, I had written several “articles” in HTML and published them to a section of the old site entitled “(r)Ant”. The reason I wanted a blog was to take advantage of the built-in archiving and categorization that blog software affords. I wanted to spend less time “coding” and more time writing.

I chose an open source package called bBlog. I hacked away at it until it looked and behaved the way I wanted, then started blogging. Subsequently, bBlog went tits up (sorry to get technical), and no one was writing bug fixes or adding new features. I knew that migrating from one blog package to another was going to be a huge pain in the ass, so I put it off. Recent problems compelled me to bite the bullet and invest the effort to switch from bBlog to WordPress and, as of this post, you’re soaking in it.

Cosmetically, you will notice few changes. I went from a three column layout (date, content, sidebar) to a two column layout (date + content, sidebar), which buys me a little more real estate in the content column. Everything else looks and behaves pretty much the same as it did before, except now I’m using software backed by a thriving developer community.

Doing the migration was an interesting exercise. Pretty much every web-related skill I’ve learned (HTML, PHP, SQL, Regex, Apache) was brought to bear, and the whole thing probably took 30 hours. If I had to do it again it would probably take half the time, eliminating the effort I expended going down blind alleys, and the like. So it goes.

If you access the blog via the RSS feed, please update the feed URL to the following, at your convenience:

The old feed, however, will continue to work for a period of time.

Thank you, kindly.

Shit, It’s My 100th Post

Monday, May 5th, 2008

After spending a couple of weeks thinking about a suitable entry for my 100th blog post, I ended up deciding just to play to my base and go with scatological humor. This weekend I saw the bottle depicted below:

Baby Faces

At a glance, I swore that it said “Baby Feces” (previously). And I’m starting to think it’s a new marketing strategy. Double Take Advertising.

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